Valentine’s Day, the holiday of all lovers, inspired the editor-in-chief of Vlasta magazine, Lenka Jindrlová, to try a couple tantric massage at our center. She shared her experiences in the following article.
Vlasta 2/2013
Tantric Massage on One’s Own Body
Text: Lenka Jindrlová
We planned to try this ritual before Christmas, because it seemed like a great recommendation for an unusual gift. In the rush of baking and cleaning, however, it didn’t happen. Now, shortly before Valentine’s Day, the topic resurfaced again.
But then – a problem. My colleagues lower their eyes. Either they don’t have a partner, or they suspect that such a semi-work-related trip would not pass at home. And so it falls to me. I have already tried tantric massage twice – once with a male therapist, once with a female therapist. But a couple massage is a challenge, and my partner is practically ordered to participate.
The Snake Sleeping at the Base
Tantra is an ancient Indian art of sacred sexuality as well as a life philosophy. According to tantric tradition, the world was created by the loving dance of the god Shiva and the goddess Shakti. All people are their embodiment and are therefore equal. Tantra releases kundalini energy, the so-called serpent power, which is often depicted as a coiled snake at the base of the spine. As the snake awakens and unfolds, the energy rises up the spine through all seven energy centers (chakras), thus connecting sexuality with spirituality. Kundalini can be awakened through a healthy lifestyle, special breathing exercises, sexual positions, and precisely through tantric massage. When we learn to allow sexual energy to flow, it can become a source of creativity and the release of our potential.
Friction Points
On the website www.tantramasaze.com, I read that before a couple tantric massage, partners should clarify three basic questions:
- Do I / do you want a male or female therapist?
- Will we undergo the massage in one room or in separate rooms?
- Will we include genital massage?
I don’t even ask my partner about the third point. Rejected in advance. On the second point, we agree that we want to share the experience side by side. But the first point leads to discussion. That my partner would have a female therapist seems obvious. But what about me?
To explain: when I underwent a tantric massage two years ago (in a different salon), I morally chose a female therapist. However, I was terribly cold for the entire two hours, even though she turned on a heater. The energy between us simply didn’t work. So I tried again with a man – and that was it. Male–female polarity created an amazing dynamic. But now I am afraid that my partner might feel jealous of a male therapist. Or rather, I don’t want to deal with the guilt of thinking that he might be jealous. In the interest of domestic harmony, I choose a woman as well.
Gender Choices
Couples who feel jealousy toward each other or tend to monitor whether their partner is enjoying the experience “too much” are advised to choose massages in separate rooms. Afterwards, they can enjoy a shared bath or relaxation in one room.
The decision whether to choose a man and a woman or two women depends, besides possible jealousy, on the woman’s feelings: whether she feels comfortable being sensually touched by another woman, or whether she needs male presence for her arousal. With a female therapist, you may feel she understands your body better; with a male therapist, you may experience an interesting male–female dynamic. This dynamic has clear boundaries – the absence of sex and the absence of exchanging affection.
Tantric massage may include intimate massage (although it does not necessarily have to). From the Kama Sutra, you may know poetic expressions such as gate of life, lotus flower, Aphrodite’s garden, Venus pearl, or jade temple. All of these refer to female genitalia, known in Sanskrit as yoni. Male genitalia are referred to as lingam or vajra. When it comes to yoni and lingam massage, it is important to clarify how far the therapist may go. Boundaries should always be set according to the less adventurous partner.
Conversation as Foreplay
The young therapist Petra leads us into a massage room immersed in pleasant dim light. It smells of herbs. My partner and I sip tea, snack on fruit, and casually chat. Then Petra arrives with her colleague Jana, and we all try to get the wheels of communication turning: why we came, what we expect, what experiences we have. And I discover that my partner has never been to any massage in his life. Never? I stare in disbelief. And I take him straight to tantra – great.
Since we rejected intimate massage in advance, we are about to experience the so-called Sensual Ritual of Honoring the Body, which is a cautious introduction to tantric massage. All right, let’s do it. The therapists leave us privacy, we shower, wrap ourselves in silk scarves, and ring the bell to signal that we are ready.
Orgasm Allowed
A tantric couples massage is actually a safe form of experimentation, where both partners explore what it feels like to be touched by someone “foreign,” without threatening their relationship. Boundaries are clearly defined in advance. The therapist must always remain in the role of a guide. During the massage, the client has a purely receptive role and does not need to reciprocate anything.
The sensations during a tantric massage can be very intense, and orgasm may occur. If this is not acceptable for one of the partners, they must inform the therapist, who will then consciously redirect the awakened sexual energy from the very beginning.
And the Conversation Continues Afterwards
We lie next to each other, our naked bodies glistening with oil. “Just don’t try to cuddle up to me now – you’re incredibly greasy,” I warn my partner. He doesn’t move, just lies there purring. Normally I fall asleep within ten minutes during a massage, but this time I didn’t drift off for even a split second.
I can’t say much about the opening ritual dance the therapist performed around me – I was required to keep my eyes closed. But the warming with hot towels was divine. We agree that stroking with feathers and fur gloves felt a bit perverse and didn’t really resonate with us. But the massage itself was great – lava stones never disappoint, and “the tantric way” especially not.
I look forward to the shower to wash off the oily film. Then the bell again and a short conversation about how it felt. We try to keep it brief and basically rush away from the therapists. We are starving and thematically head to an Indian restaurant.
Expert Opinions
Petra
Tantric massage therapist
What happens during tantric massage between the client and the therapist?
“It’s hard to put into words. Mainly because the communication happens on a more basic level than verbal language. We can speak about connection, sharing, joy. Between a man and a woman, there is opposing polarity, like magnets – there is always a certain force arising from the difference between the sexes. Between two women, I perceive more a relationship based on honoring the beauty of the female body, a strong sense of sisterhood, sharing femininity, and flowing on its wave. As a therapist, I must be careful not to overextend myself, not to give from my own reserves, and not to let my work interfere with my private life. It is already difficult enough to find a partner who is open and confident enough to handle not only the fact that I guide people through their sexuality, but also that many men see a goddess in me. But it is also a great litmus test.”
Bc. Michaela Lynnette Torstenová
Founder and manager of the Center Integrity and Tantra masáže Praha, tantra lecturer
Couple tantric massage is not offered by every salon. Why is it more complex than individual massage?
Partners bring into the massage not only their personal topics, such as fears, shame, or negative sexual experiences, but also relationship issues. Sometimes one partner enjoys the massage while the other becomes jealous and instead of focusing on the experience “here and now,” becomes angry that their partner might be enjoying it “too much.” Motivation is also important. Sometimes one partner literally drags the other because their sex life is not working and they want to fix it, while the other partner may not see it as such a big problem. Occasionally, tantric massage becomes more like couple therapy, which requires a highly experienced and skilled team.
Which couples do you recommend a shared massage to?
Couples who communicate openly and are tolerant toward each other have a certain advantage. They come to rest, recharge energy and inspiration, and enjoy a pleasant, romantic evening enriched by this ancient art. For couples where there is an issue in the relationship, tantric massage works as a catalyst – but in a safe, protected environment.
And when do you discourage it?
Only when one of the partners does not agree with the massage or feels excessive fear. Even fear, however, can be worked with. In such cases, we recommend one or two preparatory sessions where we explore possible concerns together.
Which relationship issues does tantric massage positively influence?
Some people are unable to communicate their intimate needs and therefore experience long-term frustration and dissatisfaction. Some feel unattractive and undesirable, do not know how to touch their partner, rush too much, or lack imagination. Others do not feel comfortable in their body, or have problems achieving orgasm or erection.
Are the “couple effects” noticeable after the first tantric massage, or is more time needed?
The first couple tantric massage is often a very strong experience. People’s perception of intimacy, sexuality, and closeness changes, relationships are revitalized, communication about intimate topics and mutual needs begins to flow. Tantric experience often reignites a spark that has long been extinguished, and people realize what they want and need. Sometimes, of course, problems are more complex and deeper. Longer-term work is needed, for example, in cases of sexual abuse of one partner, erectile dysfunction, or lack of desire for intimacy.
This type of massage often includes genital massage, which some salons do not offer. Why?
In tantric massage, we approach a person as a whole being and want them to experience that all parts of their body, including the intimate ones, are worthy of love and tenderness and do not need to be ashamed of. Another reason for intimate massage is the awakening of sexual energy, which tantra perceives as a driving force – it awakens us, activates us, and brings a sense of life energy. The receiver learns surrender and acceptance of their body and its expressions. Intimate massage is, of course, not mandatory, and if a client does not feel ready, it can be omitted. However, otherwise it should be part of tantric massage. The reason some centers do not include it may be fear of not being able to maintain boundaries and that tantric massage would turn into erotic massage.
But if I do not agree to genital massage, what happens to the awakened energy?
In Western culture, people often approach sexuality in a utilitarian way. First they try to awaken sexual energy and then discharge it as quickly as possible through orgasm. In tantra, sexual energy is further distributed throughout the entire body through breath and touch. Whether orgasm occurs or not is not essential. In tantra, we also speak of an internal orgasm, where ejaculation and the associated loss of energy do not occur. If we learn to remain at a high level of energy, this state is not experienced as frustration, but as a sense of fullness and happiness.
How do I choose the right tantra salon?
Be cautious of centers that offer barely 60-minute massages, including intimate parts. Tantric massage should not be shorter than 90 minutes. A conversation before and after the massage is essential. Suspicious are girls photographed in erotic lingerie or provocative poses. If you want to be sure, ask whether it is possible to order oral sex. If the answer is yes, avoid such a salon – it is a hidden erotic service.
How do I choose a therapist?
In addition to a massage course accredited by the Ministry of Education, the therapist should have tantric education, meaning at least a 50-hour course or training with a qualified instructor. Psychological and therapeutic skills are an advantage. And of course, personal sympathy also matters.
How much does it cost?
At the Tantra masáže Praha center, a basic tantric massage starts at 2000 CZK. For the most beautiful three-hour massage with a bath and hot shell massage, you will pay 5700 CZK. Couple massages start at 5500 CZK. It is worth watching for discounts – for example, during Valentine’s Day, they offer 10–20% discounts depending on the procedure. More at www.tantramasaze.com
Founder of Tantra masáže Praha s.r.o., psychotherapist, manager, lecturer of tantra and personal development groups, coach, yoga and holistic bodywork lecturer, massage therapist (10 years of practice), author of the "Inner wave" therapeutic tantric massage technique, massage lecturer.
Our Studio